Parenting a 0-5 FASE Child, but what are the "other" kids doing?

P A R E N T T O P A R E N T

Through the Eyes of the Parents

"I put the book Broken Cord down and thought.
"I could raise a child like that."
Little did I know when I read
the book I was holding just such a child."

"I learned from the very first moment,
this was a child I would parent from my heart,
she was too special to compare to another child."

Parenting 1-5 Year Old FASD Children
Notes from Jocie DeVries - FAS Times - Fetal Alcohol / Family Resource Institute
A special thank you from the FAS community to Jocie DeVries for all her hard work.

Are sometimes medically fragile.
Are usually high maintenance children keeping parents alert 24-hours a day year after year.
Are often exhausted and irritable from a lack of sleep due to uneven sleep patterns and unpredictable sleep-wake cycles.
Are a danger to self and other because the act before they think.
Are unable to comprehend how their behavior relates to consequences
Are unaware of the universal laws of nature, such as cause and effect
Are void of the normal sequential learning abilities in reasoning, judgment and memory
Are initially perceived as normal, but have subtle and predictable developmental delays that are not understood and not recognized by doctors
Are high manipulative and easily escalate out of control when out in public with gullible strangers who are unaware of the FAS/E disability characteristics.
Can't distinguish friend from enemy.
Are unrecognized and misunderstood by service providers as having a serious and permanent disability because their IQ's appear to be developing normally.
Sensitive to stimulation - lights, sounds, smells, tastes, crowds

Typical Tension Outlets at Different Ages for Normal Child
"What are other people's kids doing?"

1 Year	Thumb sucking strong with or without accessory object, occurs in daytime, just before sleep and during the night Transient and somewhat accidental stool smearing Presleep rocking in crib, bed shaking, head banging or head rolling Handling genitals and possibly some masturbation Crying
18 month	Thumb sucking reaches a peak. May go on for several hours a day as well as just before sleep and even all night. Rocking, bed shaking, head banging or head rolling may occur Occasional episodes of stool smearing Furniture moving. Takes objects out of drawers Sit down temper tantrums Tears books or wallpaper
21 month	Tears bed apart Removes clothes and runs around unclothed
2 Years	Thumb sucking less during the day. Has a positive association with hunger, frustration, fatigue May be some stool smearing Rocking, bed shaking, head banging, or head rolling Many presleep demands Fewer tensional outlets at this age Let alone in room, removes everything from drawers and cupboards
2 1/2 Years	Thumb sucking less during day. At night strongly associated with accessory object Some sucking in daytime, often with accessory object Rocking, head banging in some Some masturbation Stuttering may come in high language children Tears wallpaper, digs in plaster Completely disrupts playroom, both large and small objects Sudden aggressive attacks - make "sock" a stranger Temper tantrums
3 Years	Thumb sucking, often associated with accessory object, or night or occasionally in the daytime. Can tolerate having thumb removed from mouth during sleep Fewer tensional outlets May wander around house at night
3 1/2 Years	An increase in tensional outlets here Thumb sucking at night with accessory object. Can suck in daytime without object Spitting Considerable stuttering Nose picking, fingernail biting Hands may tremble and child may stumble and fall Much whining
4 Years	Thumb sucking only as goes to sleep Out-of-bounds behavior - Motor - runs away, kicks, spits, bites fingernails, picks nose, grimaces Verbal - Calls names, boasts and brags, silly use of language Nightmares and fears Needs to urinate in moments of emotional excitement Pain in stomach and may vomit at times of stress
5 Years	Not much tensional overflow. Often not more than one type in any one child. Hand to face: nose picking, nail biting Thumb sucking before sleep or with fatigue, often without accessory object Eye blinking, head shaking, throat clearing, especially toward end of day - peak at dinner time Sniffling and twitching nose
5 1/2 Years	Number and severity or tensional outlets increasing. One child may show several types of overflow. Hand to mouth: nose picking, nail biting increasing Some throat clearing, sometimes tic like Mouthing of tongue and lips, tongue projection Less pre sleep thumb sucking School entrance may cause increase in stuttering, nail biting and thumb sucking

To order FASTimes Call 1-800-999-3429.

Normal Development of Children

Remember each child is different but this will give you an idea of what most children are able to do at each age.

1 Year	Children of this age grow and change quickly that it is somewhat difficult to describe them. By the first birthday most children: Identify and react to the emotions of others Play games like patty cake and peek a boo Sit up without support Say mama and dada, imitate sounds Recognize own name Wave bye-bye Crawl, may walk Have no sense of caution Pull self up to standing position Feed self small pieces of food or crackers Show interest in other children
2 Years	Assert independence Demanding Favorite word is NO Tantrums, hitting and biting Easily distracted Self-centers and possessive Still does not really play with other children (parallel play) for long periods Needs help dressing and undressing Affectionate May develop fears Walks well, constantly on the go Jumps Throws a ball Appetite may fall off sharply Learns many new words Adorable, although for some this may be only when they are asleep.
3 Years	Still says "no" a lot, but is becoming a bit more cooperative Some children, however, hit their most obstinate stage at three or three-and-one-half. Favorite word now is "why?" Attention span is increasing Begins to play with other children Active imagination, may include imaginary playmate Can repeat short nursery rhymes and understand simple stories Speaks in short sentences Learning to share and wait for their turn Imitates others Wants to please parents Very active, large motor skills developing rapidly Small motor skills (such as using pencil or crayons) begin to improve Builds tower of blocks Getting neater at mealtime, but still lots of spills Needs help in dressing Can wash and dry hands and face May develop a slight stutter
4 Years	Quite verbal; able to express self in words, complete sentences and conversation Constant questions Attention span is longer than at age three Still very imaginative Recognizes colors Matches sizes, shapes and colors Plays well with other children Bosses and criticizes others Has fears (dark, thunder, animals, etc) Enjoy dramatic play - puppets, dolls, dress-up, cars, etc) Learning right from left Loves physical activity Can go up and down a ladder Throws balls overhanded Good balance Dresses alone, manages buttons and shoelaces and may be able to zip and snap Able to cut with scissors Begins to form letters, sometimes backwards
5 Years	Can speak clearly Memory improving Attention span longer than at age four More cooperative and reliable Wants to help Counts well Can learn own phone number and address Play cooperatively with friends Wants to fit in and feel accepted Curious Has most self-control Sensitivity to others is increasing Still has fears Can print own name Can retail stories and make up stories Has good balance and physical coordination Able to work with tools (learn to use hammer, garden tools, etc) Beginning to tie shoelaces

Recommended Readings

Leach, Penelope. Your Baby and Child. New York: Alfred A. Knopf, 1989

Segal, Marilyn and Adcock, Don. Your Child at Play Series: Birth to One (1983); One to Two (1985), Two to Three (1985); Three to Five (1986). New York: Newmarket Press

Ames, Louis B. and Chase, Joan A. Don't Push Your Preschooler. New York: Harper & Row, 1980

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