P A R E N T   T O   P A R E N T

Discipline Techniques
That Have Worked for Families with Members Who Have FASD

Fact.
Society has rules and structure.

Fact.
People with FASD have trouble learning and following those rules. 

Learning to live by society's rules, laws and expectations and abide by them is a lifelong process for people affected by prenatal alcohol exposure. Teaching and discipline must start early in childhood and continue throughout adulthood. The process and need for structure never ends.

Individuals with FASD have trouble internalizing morals, ethics and values like others and often don't understand why they need to change their behavior to meet society's needs. Some individuals with FASD are unable to learn from their past experiences and so they repeat the same mistakes over and over and over again. 

Effective discipline may help to break this pattern, here are some ideas that have helped other families.

• The Rules are the Same for everyone. Consequences can be adapted but the rules are the rules.

• Prioritize your battles - ignoring behavior can be effective as long as it is not injurious or damaging for self or others. Behaviors, activities, or problems that are:

  • Dangerous to other's well being.
  • Dangerous to the child's physical well being.
  • Dangerous to other's mental/emotional well being.
  • Dangerous to the child's mental/emotional well being.
  • Against the law.
  • Interfere with the child's education.
  • Interfere with the running of the household.
  • All others that you need work on.

• Constantly review and repeat consequences for certain behaviors

• Discipline immediately, not delayed (If child misbehaves on Tuesday, don't remove the movie on Saturday, they will have trouble connecting behavior to consequence)

• Following through with what you say. Don't let sympathy interfere with discipline.

• Be consistent

• Model appropriate behavior

  • Never use physical discipline, FASD persons model what they experience     

• Use pre-arranged gesture - touch, hand sign, cue which tells the individual they need to change their behavior.

  • A sign for you are getting out of control

  • A safety sign for child to tell parent help or say NO for me    

• Negative behavior may be a symptom of an unmet need. Determine if something is wrong and/or unmanageable for the child   

• Be firm yet kind/fair - do not talk and talk, say it and mean it

• Withdrawal of privileges may work on occasion

  • Five minutes of time out can be as effective as hours or days and the parent and room will survive.

  • It is easier to start small and add than to backtrack from your own anger. 

  • In order for this to work the individual must really enjoy or value item or activity being taken away

• Clearly state expectations before situations - role play

  • Avoid threats

  • Be brief, one simple word SIT is better than "Could you sit at the table over there?"

  • Do not lecture

  • Don't debate rules or consequences

• Anticipate dangerous situations and recognize early signs of trouble so you can plan ahead

• Avoid problem situations (if child becomes overstimulated in large group settings, don't put him in that situation, get a sitter or stay home)

• Monitor friends, activities and free time

• Don't use "chronological ages" as measurements of maturity.

• Protect for as long as possible.