P A R E N T   T O   P A R E N T

Developing the Calm Before the Storm
Self Calming Techniques That Worked For Us.

By Jodee Kulp
www.betterendings.org

One problem with FASD kids is it is easy for someone not knowing your child intimately to recommend calming techniques that escalate behavior instead of calm behaviors. Hope these ideas help someone get started... Having it written down we presented our strategy to our child's therapist and it made it more official. Each child is different. Let your therapists know what is acceptable to you and for your child.

From Toni Hager of CanLearn: 
"Any types of "Sensory Play" such as "rocking", "self-inflicted acts", "head banging" and any others are a sign of vestibular problems and reduce feeling of pain sensation and neurotransmitters. It is dangerous to allow the child to do such play they can detach the retina, mash facial bones, break teeth, and mess up the brain's wiring.

      My suggestion is  -- calm yourself, stop them immediately and . . .

• give them a few minutes of deep bear hugs, deep massages and/or squeeze the child's hands and/or feet (this is when tactile exercise can be very helpful. Liz calls it plugging in her brain. A good firm hug can help, light touch will often feels disruptive and threatening)

• a warm bath to soak in for a few minutes (water affects children differently a shower may be stimulating while swimming or soak in a hot tub  may be soothing).

• have the child roll around on the carpet, floor or bed a few minutes

• give the child something to chew on to achieve a centered feeling - gum, licorice, tootsie roll, ice to suck on not chew  (providing a stimulus near the midline helps produce a centered feeling. The mouth works wonderfully for this. Make sure child is not physically affected by substance to complicate issue even further.) 

• get child to breath through nose to a count of four and exhale through mouth to a count of eight (this increases the oxygen to the brain and can sometimes soothe the child, you can also have the child blow bubbles)

There are sensory receptors in all of your main joints.  Basically, sensory play is the brain's way of getting a type of stimulation it needs. Rocking and such is vestibular while head banging and painful things is deep message.

Here are some calming activities and ideas to help a FAS/E child get through the day. Each child is different. Some children are hypo while others are hyper. What works on one child will not necessarily work on another. These are provided as ideas only.

Proprioception (sense of what muscles and joints feel) These should be calming

• joint compression
• push down on shoulders, head, arms
• roll up tightly in a blanket
• walking

Vestibular Activities (sense of overall movement and gravity) These activities may also wind a child up so observe child closely for a reaction.

• slow swinging
• roller/inline skating
• ice skating
• mini or trampoline
• jump rope
• rocking chair
• biking
• 50 yard sprints or a short job

Deep Pressure (a combination of tactile and proprioception)

• Squeeze hands/feet
• Bear hug
• Ace bandage wrap
• Swim cap
• Firm Massage
• Weighted Blanket (X-ray apron works great)
• Support belt
• Wrist shoulder or ankle weights
• Make child into a sandwich between sofa cushions or mats
• Wet suit
• Weighted Vest

Deep Muscle Work

• Pushing (moving wheelbarrow full of dirt, moving furniture) 
• Pulling (Bungee rope attached to tree or post)
• Pressing (crushing aluminum cans in can crusher, crumbling paper for fire place)
• Carrying books

Oral (chewing, sucking, crunching) Variety of smells may also be calming or arousing.

• Chewing helps to organize
• Sucking helps to calm
• Crunching is alerting
• Sucking on ice is calming

Tactile Activities (your skin is your largest sense organ and contains the most receptors to the brain) We run through a series of light touch, friction, deep pressure, hot, and cold neuro exercises whenever Liz needs calming. She now comes to us asking for tactile sequences.

• Vibration (Vibration bug)
• Brushing (medical brush, bath glove, loofah)
• Massage
• Sensory roller
• Wind (small fan)

FIRST 
Listen Watch and Learn

1. Find out what feels good for your child
2. What can desensitize a child when bombarded with stressors -- use your imagination

SECOND
Prepare a Safe Special Place

1. Establish a safe and private space

• behind a chair or couch,
• inside a large box or tree house,
• one kid liked under the bed (oh well) another liked under my desk.

2. Offer soothing furniture and comfort items in that space

• we set up a wardrobe like a little play closet with lots of pillow.
• we built a tree house for running to
• rocking chairs wrapped in their blanket like a jelly roll
• bean bag chairs, huge pillows
• blow up chairs (sit your anger on that and try to pop it!)
• squoosh balls for squishing

3. Offer soothing environment

• dim switch the lights
• quiet
• hot bath with bubbles

THIRD
MAKE AN ACCEPTABLE PLAN

1. We let significant others know our family's acceptable self-calming ideas (close relatives, friends, therapists)

• Shower/bath
• Lay down
• Cuddling up in blanket with music
• Rock wrapped in blanket in darkened room
• Swing on swing with blanket and pillow
• Play harp or drums or other instrument
• Blow bubbles
• Push on doorway sides to make room bigger
• Dance and sing
• Go for walk or jump rope
• Go for bike ride or ride exercise bike
• Go on swings
• Jump on trampoline
• Jump rope or jumping jacks
• Play player piano with leg pumping as fast as you can
• Go for run (running away is NOT included in this)
• Count to ten
• Take a deep breath, look away, get mind off subject"bblblblblblb" and say I am so... .mad, frustrated, angry, embarrassed
• Play mirror (watch yourself be mad)
• Take a deep breath, count to three
• Wad up newspapers for fireplace
• Crush aluminum cans for recycling
• Pull weeds or break sticks for fire stack
• Clean dog kennel
• Go get funny movie
• Talk to a friend
• Bake bread and knead dough
• Play with clay, fimo or wax
• Go in hot tub
• Chew gum
• Dig a hole or turn over the compost, cover up the dirt 
• Stomp down the molehills in the yard
• Crush ice in a plastic bag with a hammer
• Stack wood in wood shed

2. We let significant others know our not-acceptable self-calming methods

• Pull hair
• Scratch face
• Bite self
• Slap self
• Bang head on wall or floor
• Hit something
• Break something

3. We allow for easy escape routes

• we arrive late and leave early from family and group gatherings
• we get seats by the aisle for things like circuses, concerts, basketball games or anything with nose and groups

You need to know if your child is under aroused or over aroused

Things you can make

WEIGHTED VEST It has weights of up to 5 lbs in it. The child wears it up to 30 minutes at a time. It can help a child calm down after lunch, etc. It is to help them concentrate. They cost around $90, but you can make one yourself.  

• Buy denim vest and sew in pockets for weights
• Fill zip lock freezer bags with beans, peas or rice and sew into pockets

WEIGHTED LAB PILLOW (can be placed on lap when eating or working on projects or school work) 

• Cut two pieces of fabric 12' x 18" 
• Sew three and one half sides
• Fill with mixture of flour and rice, beans or peas
• Sew open end closed
• Double sew edges so cannot open

WEIGHTED RICE BLANKET A single bed sheet folded in half and sew up two sides. A large pillow case with an opening on the right. measure off 6" from top to bottom, then sew from left to right along those lines making 8 "tubes". Fill each tube with 1 to 1 1/2 cups rice (more at the edges). Sew the tube shut and repeat until you have a square. Then make a quilt top with lots of different textures of fabrics for the top.

BALANCE BOARD  The balance board (or a large ball would do) board with a ball on the underside and the person sits on the board. In order to stay on a chair a person has to be unconsciously balancing, sort of like on a boat. This supposedly helps with concentration and staying on task.

STRESS BALLS - To allow child to squeeze and apply pressure. Sell for about $2.98-$3.98 each. These allow the child something to do while trying to pay attention.

• Get a good quality balloon
• Fill with desired quantity of flour (use a funnel and small stick to poke flour in)
• Tie and that's it!

Fun Things You Can Do

• Dave's FAMOUS FRUSTRATION BALL - "There's a glump on my heart mommy and I can't love anyone or be happy with it there" Oh my I thought, "Dave, we better get that glump out of you and stick it on some paper." So we took out a sheet of paper and we drew the glump in black angry, ooey, gooey lines. The paper and a bit of the table were filled. Then I took another sheet of paper and carefully drew a heart and took out all of the red and pink crayons and Dave sat on my lap and together we carefully colored each little piece of Dave's heart with love until it was filled up perfectly. Then I picked up the  black glump and  I told Dave to take it and smash it into a ball, which he did gloriously. I found some yellow electrical tape and we taped the glump up in happy yellow tape - the WHOLE roll! Not one piece of the glump could peek out. The plan was to burn or throw the glump away, but David explained he couldn't let it go yet, so we froze it in the freezer and Dave slammed the door so it could live in darkness and not his heart. Over the next few months when he felt frustrated he would take the yellow ball out and squish it or stomp on it and make sure the Glump was still stuck. One day he announced. "Mom, it's time we burned that old glump." And we did.
• JOURNAL Stick a book under his nose and tell him to write all his angry mean feelings on the paper - this can be drawings, scribbles, scratches. Then we tell him to rip the page out of his journal and shred them up and throw away the bad feelings a thoughts. We don't read it  unless he asks us to. Or we hand him a BIG (as big as your can find) eraser and let him erase the whole page until the page is clean and the energy is poured out if the erasing activity.
• BALLOON Purchase some easy to blow up balloons....and model how to blow them up, a horn with a balloon on the end can also work for this. Blow a breath in and say "the air in me is so hot it makes me feel angry." Blow in another breath. "I hate how these feelings in me make me want to stomp". Blow another breath in. "I am so filled with hand tingles, I hate it when I have feelings that make my hands tingle." Then once the balloon is filled up a bit you say. "Wow, my tummy is feeling better. Wow, I don't feel that feeling that makes my feet kick. etc." Then you look at the balloon and say "oh there they are, I got all those feelings out and put them in the balloon." Then let the balloon go and fly around the room as it spits all those bad feelings out. Its a fun thing we play with the best one is letting them journal it
• LIZ'S FIRE DRILL - Liz alerted us her feet tingled when a rage was beginning so we began a fire drill do stop the tingling feeling from overcoming her. As soon as she felt that feeling she would come to me and say "Mom, it's back, that tingle toe feeling." And I would place my hands on her shoulders and look her in the eye and say "Liz, I love you, you are a good girl." and Liz would try to say back "I am a good girl." I would say "Liz, you can get angry at that anger and not let it get you
• BEAR ATTACK: Grab the child and flee the bear. Go outside even if it is cold to avoid the attack. Then help the child turn into a cuddly teddy bear
• HOT DOG Wrap child completely up with head only out in comforter or blanket... he is hot dog and tells you want he wants you to put "on" the dog... mustard, cheese, etc. and you imitate those things by "spreading on the mustard" with your hands all over the hot dog or dropping on the pickles. Use firm long or softly vibrating strokes all up and down. Can use chop chop style of adding child's desired spreads.
• LOVE BATTERY RECHARGE Offer your lap when a child is feeling depleted. Dave still climbs into my lap for a recharge sometimes and we hold each other really tight and pour love into our body through our toes until we get filled back up and it pops out of our heads so we have enough to share with others.
• PILLOW TIME: When frustrated have the child or yourself do pillow time. In the stuffing of a pillow you can bury you face and let all kinds of sound pour out.

Things you may be able to say to help your child

• ORDERS: Give 5-10 simple orders. Point to your eye. Show exaggerated positive praise when child does this. Point to your toe. Stand on your head if you have to, act silly to keep them connected.
• Practice STOP - Stand still, Think, Observe, Protect yourself
• Breathe through your nose all the way down to your tummy. 
• Clench your body really tight, clench the mads right out. Now relax your shoulders like a rag doll. Relax you hands, your feet, your arms.
• You can do it. I know you can get your mads under control."
• I believe in you. You are the kind of kid who can take care of your own bad feelings.
• I'm feeling mad right now too. I'm going to go cool off, then we'll talk.
• Sometimes it's tough, isn't it? I am here for you when you need me.
• You are a great kid!

An Enriched Sensory Diet to help child "pay more attention". 

• a weighted vest,
• a large, thick, 
• rubber band that goes from one desk leg to another so he
• can fidget his feet on it, 
• a "swiss disk" to sit on, 
• a sports water bottle, 
• crunchy pretzels/bagels, 
• gum, 
• fidget bendable sticks
• balloons
• sensory brush

Time out ideas may include

• wrap or cocoon child
• bear hugs
• crawl through different tubes
• jump rope
• jump on trampoline

Links that may be helpful

• Rage Attacks 
  http://www.tourettesyndrome.net/rage.htm
  http://www.tourettesyndrome.net/rage_prevention_intervention.htm

Please let us know other ideas from your families.