A S K  T H E  E X P E R T S
I  N  S  I  D  E     O  U  T

Thoughts from adult with FASDs who
Have Been FASD Kids

Alcohol - Should as FASD Person Drink?
Compulsiveness: Why do you put so much ---on the bread?
Fears and sleeplessness
How did you learn to read?
Insight on Lying
Medication viewpoint from adult with FASD
What it feels like to have a rage

Back to FASDus Table of Contents

To handle yourself, use your head;
 To handle others, use your heart.

Insight is provided by individual adults with FASD. Remember FASD is different for each person. Though these may help some individuals they are not true for every individual. We provide this information as insight for parents and professionals.

What it feels like to have a rage.

I am a 32 year old with FAS.  As an adult rages still happen but I have learned how to control them. Its a terrible feeling to have one, and be in the middle of one, knowing you cant get out and just hoping you don't do something stupid while you scream and run around. I think that a lot of is just pent up emotions, I do not know where to place them, or how to handle them. But I also get angry, very easy. But I know the difference between the two.

1. Is there anything you can do when you feel a rage coming on that will prevent it? No. just control my reaction to it. But my controlled reaction seems to be a bit strange for other people, ie; whats wrong with her? 
2. Is there anything in particular that seems to set it off? Getting frustrated is a big one not just regular anger.
3. What are you thinking during a rage? It depends on the rage, mostly whatever set it off, if my ex didn't do the dishes and that started it, i think over and over why couldn't he do the dishes so I don't have to feel this way.
4. Afterwards, do you remember what happened during the rage? No. just bits and pieces. Once I tore up my bedroom and didn't remember cuz after I start to calm down I cry, I cried myself to sleep, woke up, looked around and thought uh???
5. If people talk to you during the rage, do you comprehend? No, I don't hear them cuz I seem to focus on myself and cant get my ears to work, its like watching a movie with the sound off, I think my brain turns off my hearing.
6. Is there any particular medication that makes the rages worse or better? I'm not on any meds, cuz I can't remember to take them.

Lying:
Getting blamed for things I did not do I also lied a lot so it was hard for my parents to know: if it was the truth!! 

I Believe them 100% ! That's how I would approach your child unless you know other wise. The more I wasn't believed the more I lied.  Believe your child. In the child's own mind, your child may not be lying a lot of the time that she is actually lying in your personal reality. She lives in a different one altogether.

If You know that your child is lying I would approach him in such a way by 
saying 

"You are a good boy and I know you want to do good, and what happened is not what you are all about! I Love You but don't like what you did, and you are not being truthful about.......! Give some examples such as rob a bank or something make the example a huge one"

You may have done wrong. We love you and will always love you.  I know its hard to admit to doing wrong but we all make a wrong decisions. I make mistakes too and its hard for me to admit to it! You know what I do when I have to admit something REALLY hard --  I take a deep breath. And then I tell the person that needs to be told and this makes me feel so much better! 

I love you. Do you want to tell me something? And hug him!

I was approached like this after my Father caught me stealing money out of my Mothers Purse He first told me he did not want to see: my face GET OUT! I want to a friends house, I guess it was about 3 hours later : I want home and my Father called me into the Kitchen where I was caught! My 
Mother was there and I walked in and what happened next was a miracle to me. My Father reached in his back pocket and pulled out his wallet and pulled out a $5.00 Bill and handed it to me and said Son I love you. You never have to : steal to have anything always remember this and Hugged me!
I really felt special and forgiven and tried to be a son my Dad could be proud of!   Steve 

Compulsiveness:
Why are you using so much butter? salt? jam?

About spreading things such as butter, until I was in my middle 20's I did not understand that a little goes along way. It used to frustrate Mom and Dad! They would just get butter and within a day or so it was gone, any of this sound familiar?  I don't know what made it click in except maybe weight-watchers and measuring things. With us FASDrs' getting it just may take a lot longer.

Heart beats, and I can't sleep!

This one was very serious to me!! I had a fear of going to bed at night and going to sleep and never waking up. My thoughts were how could this thing that beats inside me keep beating and beating and beating etc. without stopping or could it be to tired to keep going! Although today I can laugh at this as a child it was a very real concern for me and had me sitting on the edge of my bed afraid to close my eyes and go to sleep!

If you feel your special one has this fear my suggestion is to rent a video on the Heart. Sit down and watch this with them. Make sure that it is understood that the heart is a muscle and with blood beating through it, it keeps strong and beating for a LifeTime!

Gods power keeps this beating heart alive and watch's over us as we sleep!  We did not talk about God much and I never as a child understood the power of the Lord! I now know with Jesus beside me "The Beat Goes On"!!!!!!!!

Viewpoint on Medication

From a parent: My child is very dependant upon her medication to "have a good day"--  to make kind and goal oriented choices rather than unkind and impulsive choices. Because she is in the middle of adolescence...the stability of her meds comes and goes. Her good behavior comes and goes. We go back to the Psychiatrist and with the correct adjustments (over time), her beautiful self re-emerges. While her real self is lost inside that monster suit that we call FAE/mental illness, she is very despondant. She says she feels like a failure, like she can't do anything right. This comes out during rare moments of connection between significant periods of defiance and unconnectedness.

During these times, I  tell her,

"You are not a failure...your brain is failing you. It just isn't letting you do the choosing very often. You are not this behavior. You are a kind and good girl who sometimes makes mistakes. But you are not mean...that is your brain and it will work right again soon. Just keep fighting against it and trying your best. When the medicine starts working again, your brain will be ready to go if you just don't give up on it."

Of course there are many conversations about commitment, unconditional love, consequences, adaptations etc as well. She seems to get it briefly, and then really gets it once her meds are stabilized again. 

Can you tell me, what message, most of all, you would have wanted to hear when you were an adolescent?

What words gave you the most hope when you were feeling hopeless as an adolescent.

I did not know I was FAE until age 43yrs so from the day I was born till age 43yrs. I had no medication to replace what the alcohol robbed from my brain! I was out of control most of my life, not understanding what made me tick.

Along with everyone else, and believe me being in a world full of confusion from my view-point was like a Nightmare without sleep!

The medications are very important and in no way is against God or the Bible! They replace what alcohol took away and as Your Daughter I would be a lost little Puppy without them! I take Zoloft 150 mgs a day in the morning, I make sure I take Zoloft along with all my other Meds.

Before Zoloft I would walk around in a cloud of confusion, not knowing how to behave or act. I would find myself not knowing what emotions to feel or if I was reacting the right way!

Case in point before I was Blessed with Zoe My Silky Terrier I had another Dog named Babe. Babe was a good pal and She and I really bonded and was very close. Sometimes Babe would  have a accident, as even the best housebroken Dogs do. Ginny I did not know how to direct my emotions. No I never hit Babe, but I was confused and shouted in her face when something like this happen! I would shake and sweat and just fall apart, Babe was confused did not understand my reactions but always was a wonderful companion and to this day is deep in My Heart.

All this happen without Zoloft and not knowing I was FAE! Now myself and Zoe My Silky Terrier have a strong bond that I have never felt before. I was on Zoloft when we became a Family, I am focused and in charge of my situations.

When and as with Babe is very rare Zoe would have a accident in the house Its like I step outside myself and see a gentle kind man bestowing the kindness Jesus Christ give to me. I feel compassion and unconditional Love that Jesus gives me! Zoloft gives me the edge to allow Jesus to work wonders through me!

Alcohol - Should FASD persons drink?

I understand that our children should be taught that consuming alcohol is a definate no.

Steve and Zoe's Insight

Alcohol does nothing but drown the brain with allows Satan to get even the most faithful to Jesus to do His dirty work!

However, is it fair to assume our children are born alcoholics?

If Your brain has been soaked as it develops in booze like FAS'ers I would say as You already heard The Saying "Born Drunk"

I personally don't like the numb feeling one gets when drinking, so it was a easy choice for me not to drink alcohol!

In my opinion anything that causes so much damage and kills brain-cells, causes birth-defects, breaks-up marriages, a road killer, causes rapes, and makes one turn away from right and cause pain!!!

I would say there's no room for Alcohol in my world that I have already been subjected to! I choose to pick-up The Bible instead of the bottle and get drunk in the Word!

 Just a little insight from little old me,  Steve (adult with FASD)

The Serenity Prayer

God grant me the serenity 
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Steve and Zoe The Great

Special thank you to our FASstars!