and now these three things remain . . . faith, hope and love
and the greatest of these is love.  1Co13:13

Step 3. Re“focus”

 Change What You See and Say
to help an Alphabet Soup Child
add...fasd...odd...ebd...adhd...pea...si...fas...fae...capd

By Jodee Kulp     www.betterendings.org

Reintroduce yourself to your child who may not hear, understand or interpret your intentions. For 16 years, when my husband said to our daughter, "I don't care if you...." meaning that we trusted her ability to make sound decisions, she thought that we did not care about her. A simple change of wording to "I trust you to choose. What do you think?" or simply "you choose" would have given her security and empowered her to work through issues, instead of feeling abandoned.

As a parent, you may need to alter, understand and reinterpret your view of your child.

• Give yourself permission and time to grieve for your dream child. Feeling pain and loss will allow you to refocus so you can help your child become the best he or she can be.

• Dry your eyes. Realize you have a very alive child who is living and breathing and doing just what he or she thinks is appropriate, regardless of what you expect or want him/her to do.

• Go on a treasure hunt. Sit down with significant others (spouse, friend, siblings, relatives, case manager) and write everything "special" and positive about your child. This will become your focus. Post them on the refrigerator and share them with people important to you and your child.